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You May Be Over The Hill if…

…You keep repeating yourself.

…You keep repeating yourself.

…“Getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.

…“Tying one on” means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

…8 AM is your idea of sleeping in.

…A fortuneteller offers to read your face.

…A friend of yours is dating someone half their age…legally!

…A skateboard is no longer a transportation option.

…All the pictures on your wall are framed.

…All your pants are dress pants.

…At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

…Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."

…Except for an occasional heart attack, you feel as young as you ever did.

…It takes longer to rest than to get tired.

…It takes two hands to hold up your underwear.

…It takes you two tries to get over a parking lot speed bump.

…It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

…Lawn care is the highlight of your summer.

…Neighbors borrow your tools.

…No one ever tells you to slow down.

…No one wants to hear how bad your back hurts.

…One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

…You keep repeating yourself.

…Others ask for your recipes.

…People ask what color your hair used to be.

…People call you at 9 PM and ask, “Did I wake you?”

…People call you to get someone’s address.

…People laugh at your high school picture.

…Some of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion.

…Someone sees you naked and screams.

…That car you bought brand-new is now referred to experts as an antique.

…The best part of your day is over when you turn off the alarm clock.

…The candles cost more than your cake.

…The dollar bill in your billfold shows George Washington’s baby picture.

…The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your pants.

…The girls at the office start confiding in you.

…The only gleam in your eye is a reflection off your bifocals.

…The only reason you’re still awake at 4 AM is indigestion.

…The phone rings and you hope it’s not for you.

…The waiter asks how you'd like your steak…and you say "pureed."

…There are no bookcases in your house made of cinderblock and boards.

…Those clothes you put away "until they come back into style" have "come back into style."

…When you hear “CD” you think, “certificate of deposit.”

…When you light your birthday cake, campers form a circle around you and start singing.

…When you talk about “good grass,” you mean someone’s lawn.

…You “Ssssh” people during a movie.

…You actually call about the adjustable bed they sell on TV.

…You actually get these jokes and send your friends this link!

…You always fill up the gas tank.

…You answer a question, “Because I said so!”

…You are alarmed at how young doctors are getting.

…You are proud of your lawnmower.

…You arrange your hair rather than comb it.

…You attend every RV show that comes to town.

…You begin every other sentence with, "I remember when…"

…You browse in the grocery store’s bran section.

…You call a stereo system a "hi-fi."

…You call Olan Mills before they call you.

…You can go bowling without drinking.

…You can go without sex, but not without your glasses.

…You can quickly find anything in your garage.

…You can read a girl like a book but your library card has expired.

…You can’t climb a tree, even with a ladder.

…You can’t make any article of clothing look provocative.

…You can’t remember the last time someone told you to “get a haircut.”

…You can’t sit still without falling asleep.

…You keep repeating yourself.

…You can’t sleep if the house is a mess.

…You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

…You consider digestion when reading a menu.

…You constantly discuss the price of gasoline.

…You don’t care where your wife goes, just so you don’t have to go along.

…You don’t date women your own age because there aren’t any.

…You don’t worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it avoids you.

…You dream of prunes.

…You dry-clean your blue jeans.

…You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

…You enjoy metal detecting at the beach…wearing black socks with sandals.

…You find yourself admiring a pair of pants at Sears.

…You floss.

…You frequently find yourself telling people what a loaf of bread used to cost.

…You get excited about jury duty.

…You get into a heated debate about pension plans.

…You get into an argument about pension plans.

…You go to a garden party and you're mainly interested in the garden.

…You have a choice of two temptations and choose the one that gets you home earlier.

…You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

…You have been sitting at the big table at Thanksgiving, longer than you can remember.

…You have more than a dozen photos of relatives displayed in your home.

…You have more than two spare pair of glasses.

…You have stopped growing at both ends and have begun to grow in the middle.

…You have your own lawyer.

…You hear "snap, crackle, pop" when you're not eating cereal.

…You hear "whippersnapper," "scalawag," and "by-cracky" creeping into your vocabulary.

…You keep repeating yourself.

…You know the meaning of the word “equity.”

…You listen to "easy listening" stations on purpose.

…You look both ways before crossing a room.

…You make an appointment to see the dentist.

…You nap and people worry that you're dead.

…You no longer consider a speed limit sign as a challenge.

…You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.

…You no longer think of speed limits as challenges.

…You paint walls for a reason other than to get your deposit back.

…You pay more today for a postage stamp than you once paid for a movie.

…You plan vacations and stick to your plans.

…You point out what buildings used to be where.

…You put your dirty clothes in a hamper.

…You quiet people so you can hear the weather.

…You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room.

…You keep repeating yourself.

…You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

…You rake the yard without anyone asking you to.

…You realize that caution is the only thing you exercise.

…You realize that the aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

…You really do want a new washing machine for your birthday.

…You run out of breath walking down stairs.

…You see your childhood toys in a museum.

…You send money to PBS.

…You sing along with elevator music.

…You start the "Hokey Pokey" by putting your left hip out...and it stays out.

…You start videotaping daytime game shows.

…You stick a compass to your car's windshield.

…You stop buying green bananas.

…You take great pride in your lawn mower.

…You talk about "good grass" and mean someone's lawn.

…You think AAA makes good sense.

…You tie other people’s neckties.

…You try to see how long your car will go instead of how fast it will go.

…You use the word “newfangled” in a sentence.

…You wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

…You watch the news.

…You wear black socks with sandals.

…You win at trivia.

…You wonder why you waited so long to take up macramé.

…You worry whether you have enough insurance.

…You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

…You yell at someone for driving too fast while watering the lawn.

…You yell at the paperboy for damaging your flower beds.

…You’re cautioned to slow down -- by your doctor instead of by the police.

…You’re not embarrassed to be seen in public with your parents.

…You’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started.

…You’ve recently said, “I can’t hear myself think!”

…You’ve seen Halley’s comet twice.

…Your arms have grown too short to read the newspaper.

…Your back goes out more than you do.

…Your bank sends you a birthday card.

…Your best friend is dating someone half his age… and he’s not breaking the law.

…Your biggest concern when dancing is falling.

…Your broad mind and narrow waist have traded places.

…Your car must have four doors.

…Your doctor tells you, “You’re not a hypochondriac.”

…Your ears grow hair better than your head.

…Your forehead is twice as high as it used to be.

…Your get-up-and-go depends on whether you had prunes for breakfast.

…Your hairbrush hurts your scalp.

…Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.

…Your insurance company sends you their free calendar... a month at a time.

…Your narrow waist and broad mind have exchanged places

…Your new easy chair has more options than your car.

…Your only keep cable for The Weather Channel.

…Your pharmacy gives you a volume discount.

…Your social security number has only one digit.

…You're on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

…You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes over to help you cross your legs.

…You keep repeating yourself.

…You actually get these jokes and send your friends this link!