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The Ballad of Freddy Pharkas

Freddy had quite a bit of "back story" needed in order to explain the plot, so Josh Mandel (my co-designer on the game) wrote these brilliant lyrics to go with a simple Western song that I wrote. Aubrey Hodges then MIDI-strated the theme.

For the recording session, we hired some great musicians, but we had trouble finding anyone who could sing corny enough and funny enough, while still keeping the lyrics understandable. Everybody on "Team Freddy" agreed: Al Lowe sings real funny! So? I ended up using me.

Download the MP3 and follow my horrible voice as I sing for you The Ballad of Freddy Pharkas. Or better yet, sing along!

And when you're done, don't forget the "Closing Ballad of Freddy Pharkas."

Freddy The Ballad

Lyrics by Josh Mandel
Music by Al Lowe

He was born in old St Louie,
By the age of four Dad knew he was the
Best little crackshot the West had ever seen.
By the time he reached pubescence,
He could outshoot all the adolescents
West of Durango and north of Abilene.

Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas.
Famous gunslingin' deputy.
Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
Frontier hero-to-be.

Then one day young Freddy Pharkas
Stared at eyes as black and dark as night, the
Eyes of an outlaw, well-known throughout the West.
Oh, the tough kid's name was Kenny,
And he outdrew Freddy Pharkas, when he
Shot Freddy's ear off to prove who was the best.

Now our hero, Freddy Pharkas,
With wounded pride and earless carcass,
Vowed to the heavens to give up gunnery.
He'd be better off, he reckoned,
With the lifelong dream that always beckoned:
Pestles, not pistols, and pharmacology.

Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas,
Highest score on his S.A.T.,
Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas.
Five-year college degree.

After Fred matriculated,
Got his Ph.D. and graduated,
Moved out to Coarsegold and bought a pharmacy.
He's a real prescription writer,
And they don't know he's an ex-gunfighter,
Locked up his mem'ries, repressed them totally.

But his peaceful new survival
Soon was shot to hell upon arrival
Of Coarsegold's schoolmarm, the sweet Penelope.
She has captured Fred's affection,
But he's scared he'll get a huge ...rejection,
Can't bear to tell her just what he used to be.

Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas.
Frontier Pharmacist bourgeoisie,
Freddy Pharkas, Freddy Pharkas.
Peerless, earless, and free!

Copyright 1992 by Al Lowe

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