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You May Be Addicted to Coffee if…

You grind your own coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you stand still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You’ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You chew on other people’s fingernails.

The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

People use your hands to blend their margaritas.

You can type sixty words per minute …with your feet.

You jump-start your car without cables.

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before realizing it’s not plugged in.

You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.

You’ve built a miniature city out of little wooden stir sticks.

People get dizzy just watching you.

Instant coffee takes too long.

You channel surf faster without a remote.

Your coffee mug has a picture of your coffee mug.

You can outlast the Energizer bunny.

You short out motion detectors.

You don’t wait for the water to boil anymore.

Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.

You help your dog chase its tail.

You soak your dentures overnight in coffee.

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

You ski uphill.

You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
coming soon from www.allowe.com