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Good — Bad — Worse

I. Good — Bad

Good

Bad

Your uncle leaves you a fortune.

It’s counterfeit.

Your hair stops falling out.

You have none left.

You came home for a quickie.

So did the postman.

You get tickets to the theater.

It’s performance art.

Your neighbor exercises in the nude.

She weighs 350 pounds.

You go to see a strip show.

Your daughter’s the headliner.

Your secretary said “yes.”

Your wife says “no.”

Your boyfriend’s exercising.

So he’ll fit in your clothes.

Your child is “waiting for Mr. Right.”

But he’s your son.

Your daughter is on the Pill.

She’s eleven.

Your son’s doing extra credit work.

Making a sex-ed video.

Your wife bought a porn video.

Your daughter’s the star.

Your wife meets you at the door nude.

She’s coming home.

You came home for a quickie.

Your wife walks in.

Your 7-year-old daughter cooked her first meal, fish filets.

Your $5,000 tropical aquarium is empty.

Your hair stopped falling out.

You have none left.

You finally got a Viagra prescription.

Nobody will sleep with you.

Viagra has greatly improved your sex life.

You're George Michaels.

You got finally your Viagra prescription and take some.

Your partner doesn’t show up.

There’s a new pill to improve women’s sex life.

It only makes your partner appear to be good looking.

 

II. Bad — Worse

Bad

Worse

Your wife’s leaving you.

For another woman.

You can’t find your vibrator.

Your daughter borrowed it.

You’re caught by the boss having sex in the office.

With his daughter.

You find a porn movie in your son’s room.

Your spouse is in it.

Your children are sexually active.

With each other.

Your husband’s a cross-dresser.

He looks better than you.

Your son’s involved in Satanism.

As a sacrifice.

Your wife wants a divorce.

She’s a lawyer.

Your wife’s arrested for soliciting.

She implicates you.

You find naked pictures of your daughter.

On the Internet.

Your wife screams during sex.

When you come in the room.

You catch your wife cheating.

With your mistress’s husband.

Your wife’s leaving you.

To enter a convent.

 

III. Good — Bad — Worse

Good

Bad

Worse

Your car conveniently “runs out of gas.”

For real.

On the railroad tracks.

You finally have some time to yourself.

You can’t find your vibrator.

Your daughter borrowed it.

The postman’s early.

He’s in fatigues, with an AK47.

You didn’t give him a Christmas present.

Your secretary says “Yes.”

Your wife says “No.”

They’re both pregnant.

The teacher likes your son.

Sexually.

The feeling’s mutual.

You and your husband agree: no more kids.

You can’t find your birth control pills.

Your daughter borrowed them.

You buy a house with a pool.

Your teenage daughter can’t swim.

The poolboy teaches her the breaststroke.

You came home for a quickie.

The mailman had the same idea.

There’s a line, waiting.

Hot elevator sex.

You’re arrested.

By your spouse.

You came home for a quickie.

Your wife walks in.

With her boyfriend.

You finally get a night out.

You’re seen going into a strip show by a gossip.

Your daughter’s the headliner.

You get tickets to the theatre.

It’s experimental theatre.

The audience is nude.

You give the “Birds and Bees” talk to your kids.

They keep interrupting.

With corrections!

Your children are growing up.

They’re sexually active.

With each other.

Your child’s waiting for “Mr. Right”

Your son, that is.

He’s received answers to his personals ad.

Your daughter is very popular with the guys.

She’s on the Pill.

She’s eleven.

Your husband understands fashion.

He’s a cross dresser.

He looks better than you.

Your husband’s exercising and dieting.

So he’ll fit in your clothes.

He knows how to coordinate better.

Your neighbors exercise in the nude.

They each weigh 375 pounds.

They catch you looking, and smile.

Your son is finally getting involved.

In Satanism.

As a sacrifice.

Your son spends a lot of time alone in his room.

You find him watching porn movies.

Your daughter is in them.

Your son studies a lot in his room.

You find several porn movies hidden there.

You’re in them.

Your son’s finally maturing.

He’s involved with the lady next door.

So are you.

Your son’s interested in school.

He has to do extra credit to pass.

Making a sex ed video.

Your uncle leaves you a fortune.

You blow it all.

It’s counterfeit.

Your wife bought you a porn movie.

It’s over five years old.

Your daughter’s the star.

Your wife is helping bring in income.

She’s arrested for soliciting.

She implicates you.

Your wife isn’t talking to you.

She wants a divorce.

She’s a lawyer.

Your wife loves outdoor sex.

You live downtown.

Neither of you drive.

Your wife meets you at the door nude.

She’s coming home.

From her weekly Woman’s Club meeting.

Your wife says you can go hunting all you want

Because she’s leaving you.

For another woman.

Your wife’s kinky.

With the neighbors.

All of them.

You’re going to have more time to yourself.

Your wife’s leaving you.

To enter a convent.

You finally meet that chat room girl of your dreams!

She is 13 years old.

‘Her’ name is Jason.

You won First Prize!

In the “Pet/Owner Look-Alike Contest.”

Your pet’s a pot-belly pig.

Your daughter has a new hobby.

Body piercing.

She can’t show them to you!

Your Lottery numbers finally won — $26 million!

Your wife has the ticket.

She left with the pool boy!

You found the Viagra pill you dropped on the floor.

Your dog beat you to it.

He really likes your leg.

You finally meet the girl of your dreams from the chat room.

She is 13 years old.

“Her” name is Jason.

You won First Prize.

In the Pet/Owner Look-Alike Contest.

Your pet’s a pot-belly pig.

Your daughter has a new hobby.

It’s body piercing.

Your cat now wears earrings.

Your computer stopped making that annoying sound.

Your hard drive crashed.

One day out of warranty.

Your lottery numbers finally won: $26 million!

Your wife has the ticket.

She left with the pool guy. And you don't have a pool.