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Famous Men on Golf
Winston Churchill: “Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow pasture.”
Jack Benny: “Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.”
Lee Trevino: “You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”
Unknown: “Golf is not a game, it’s bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.”
Hank Aaron: “It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”
Lee Trevino: “Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn’t a lot of strokes when you consider the course.”
Lee Trevino: “I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.”
Sam Snead: “These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow.”
Paul Harvey: “Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.”
Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players: “They throw their clubs backwards, and that’s wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so that you don’t have to walk any extra distance to get it.”
Tommy Bolt: “Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet.”
Jimmy Demaret: “Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.”
Jack Lemmon: “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”
Lee Trevino: “If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.”
Unknown: “Seventy years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a field was called the Ku Klux Klan. Today it’s called the PGA Tour.”
John Updike: “Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.”
“Silk Stockings” TV Show: “The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bagpipes and called it music.”
Gerald Ford: “I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.”
P. G. Wodehouse: “The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.”
Bob Hope: “If I’m on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast. If God wants to play through, let him.”
Ken Harrelson: “In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares. In golf everything has got to be right over second base.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez: “The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.”
Chi Chi Rodriguez: “After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.”
Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards. His caddie said: “I’d say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir.” “A 3-iron or a wedge?” asked Bolt. “What kind of stupid choice is that?” “Those are the only two clubs you have left, sir.” said the caddie.