You May be a
Redneck Jedi if
Youve ever said, "May the force be with yall."
Your Jedi robe is camouflage.
At least one wing of
your X-Wing is primer-colored.
Even though you had
to kill him, you thought Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how
to treat his women.
In your opinion, that
Darth Vader feller "just ain’t right."
Jawas come to you for
used parts.
Last Christmas you
bought a friend a hanging air freshener for his X-Wing.
Parts of a TIE fighter
you once blew up hang in your living room as trophies.
People mistake your
house for a Jawa, used droids, and speeder parts dealership.
Stealing Imperial shuttles
is a family outing.
The doors of your X-wing
are welded shut and so you climb in through the window.
The front of your landspeeder
has bantha horns.
The smell of ham or
bacon reminds you of Jabba’s Gamorean guards.
You can describe the
taste of Ewok.
You can levitate yourself
using a force from within, but not The Force.
You consider a peaceful
meditation session is one without gas.
You ever fell in love
with your sister.
You find no grammatical
errors or syntax problems with the way Yoda talks.
You have at least one
droid held together with baling wire and/or duct tape.
You have ever used
baling wire and/or duct tape to repair your landspeeder.
You have ever used
The Force in conjunction with a bowling or spitting contest.
You have ever used
The Force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait
for a commercial.
You have the words “Foxy
Lady” painted on your landspeeder.
You have your droid
pipe Box Car Willie into your X-Wing on long flights.
You inherited a Styrofoam
cooler and a tackle box along with your light saber.
You know that duct
tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds
the universe together.
You never read the
entire Jedi manual because it didn't have pictures.
You own a pink flamingo
with blaster holes in it.
You suggested that
they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.
You think Han Solo
would look better in a flannel than that sissy vest.
You think that Jabba
the Hutt really knows how to pick up good-looking chicks.
You think that people
who buy new droids is uppity.
You think that Stormtroopers
are just KKK members with really tough sheets.
You use the “O” on
stop signs to sight in your new blaster.
You were the only person
drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.
You wished that Admiral
Ackbar was swimming in the pond on your farm back home.
You wore burlap even
before you started your Jedi training.
You’re flying
a ship with no original parts.
You’ve ever accidentally
referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as "them damn Yankees."
You’ve ever asked
an Ewok to go coon hunting with you.
You’ve ever attended
an Alliance medal ceremony in flip-flops and a robe.
You’ve ever fantasized
about Princess Leah in Daisy Duke shorts.
You’ve ever looked
at your sister, thought she was one hot babe, and kissed her.
You’ve ever said, “I’m
fixin’ ta git dat bounty hunter.”
You’ve ever used
a storm trooper helmet as a spittoon.
You’ve ever used
The Force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.
You’ve ever used
The Force to give someone a wedgie.
You’ve ever used
your R-2 unit’s self-defense electroshock thingy to light your barbecue
grill.
You’ve got a
stuffed womp rat from Begger’s Canyon on your mantle.
You’ve moved
from planet to planet to avoid Imperial storm troopers.
Your beer belly shames
Jabba the Hutt.
Your best practical
joke was sticking a banana in Boba Fett’s tail pipe.
Your cousin bears a
strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
Your father has ever
said to you, "Shoot, son. Come on over to the dark side! It’ll
be a hoot."
Your favorite bar caters
primarily to smugglers and bounty hunters.
Your favorite meals
on Dagoba incorporate native snakes.
Your initiation into
the Rebellion required parallel parking the Millennium Falcon.
Your Jedi master ever
said “My finger you will pull.... hmmmmmm?”
Your landspeeder has
a blaster rack in the back.
Your landspeeder is
painted with a Confederate flag.
Your wedding cake was
sliced with a light saber.
Your X-Wing's cockpit
has fuzzy dice.
You've been on a blind
date arranged through an invitation written on a cantina napkin.
You've called the Emperor “That
old ugly dude in the house coat.”
You've had an X-wing
up on blocks in your yard.
You've had your R-2
unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingie to light your barbecue grill.
You've used your light
saber to clean your teeth, clean fish, or open a beer bottle.
You've lost a hand
in a light-saber fight because you had to spit.
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