Things
That Never Happen on Star Trek
The Enterprise runs into a mysterious
energy field of a type that it has encountered before.
The Enterprise checks up on a remote
outpost of scientists and finds they are perfectly all right.
The Enterprise comes
across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called "Paradise," where
everyone is happy all the time. However, strangely enough, everything
is soon revealed to beexactly as it seems.
The crew of the Enterprise
discovers a totally new life form, which later turns out to be a rather
well-known old life form wearing a silly hat.
The crew of the Enterprise
is struck by a strange alien plague, for which the cure is immediately
discovered in its well-stocked sickbay.
An enigmatic being composed
of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprises computer,
only to learn that it has neglected to bring the right cable.
A power surge on the
bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the
highly trained and competent 24th-century engineering staff.
The Enterprise ferries
an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
The Enterprise is captured
by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic,
strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they
can blame it on in the end.
The Enterprise separates as soon as
there is any danger.
A power surge on the bridge fails to
electrocute the user of a computer panel, due to a highly sophisticated
24th-century surge protection feature called a fuse.
The Enterprise encounters a strange
alien craft, but has plenty of power to outrun it.
The Enterprise is captured by a vastly
inferior alien intelligence, which is easily pacified with candy.
The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre
time-warp phenomenon, which is in some way unconnected with the 20th
century.
Somebody takes out a shuttle and it
doesnt explode or crash.
A major Starfleet emergency breaks out
near the Enterprise, but fortunately there are plenty of other ships
in the area and they are able to deal with it to everyones satisfaction.
During a fierce battle, the shields
on the Enterprise stay up.
The Enterprise visits the Klingon home
world on a bright, sunny, day.
An attempt at undermining the Klingon-Federation
alliance is discovered without anyone noting that such an attempt, if
successful, would represent a fundamental shift of power throughout
the quadrant.
A major character spends the entire
episode in the Holodeck without a single malfunction trapping him there.
Picard hears the door chime and doesnt
bother to say Come.
Counselor Troi states something other
than the blindingly obvious.
Worf actually gives another vessel more
than 2 seconds to respond to one of the Enterprises hails.
Mood rings come back in style, jeopardizing
Counselor Trois position.
Worf and Troi finally decide to get married, only to have Kate Pulaski
show up and disrupt the wedding by shouting, Did he read you love
poetry?! Did he serve you poisonous tea?! Hes mine!
Picard doesnt answer a suggestion
with, Make it so!
When Worf tells the bridge officers
that something is entering visual range, no one says, On screen!
Worf kills Wesley by mistake in the
Holodeck. (Its too bad this wasnt done in Déjà vu,
because then we could have seen it five times without rewinding the
tape.)
Picard walks up to a replicator and
says, Coke on ice.
Wesley Crusher gets beaten up by his
classmates for being a smarmy git, and consequently has a go at making
some friends of his own age for a change.
Wesley saves the ship, the Federation,
and the Universe as we know it, and EVERYONE is grateful (including
the Net).
The warp engines start acting up a bit,
but then seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention
from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
Wesley Crusher tries to upgrade the
warp drive. They then work better than ever.
Beverly Crusher manages to go through
a whole episode without having a hot flush and getting breathless every
time Picard is in the room.
Guinan forgets herself and breaks into
his stand-up comedy routine.
Data falls in love with the replicator.
Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a
woman on a planet he visits and isnt tragically separated from
her at the end of the episode.
The Captain has to make a difficult
decision about a less-advanced people, which is made a great deal easier
by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
An unknown ensign beams down as part
of an Away Team and lives to tell the tale.
Spock or Data is fired from his high-ranking
position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of
about one in three sentences spoken to him.
Kirk (or Riker) meets an attractive
woman and does not fall in love.
Kirks hair remaining consistent
for more that one consecutive episode.
Kirk gets into a fistfight and doesnt
rip his shirt.
Kirk doesnt get into a single
fistfight.
Kirk doesnt end up kissing the
troubled female guest before she doesnt sacrifice herself for
him.
Scotty never mentions the laws of physics.
Spock isnt the only crewmember
not affected by some new weapon or attack by some alien race due to
his darn green blood or bizarre Vulcan physiology
and thus, he cannot save the day.
The episode ends without Bones &
Kirk laughing at Spocks inability to understand a joke and he
doesnt raise his eyebrow!