Silicon Pines
The latest and
best in Assisted Computing Facilities!
Should my loved one be placed in an Assisted
Computing Facility?
It is often the most difficult and painful decision
family members will have to face: whether or not a loved one
– a parent, a spouse, perhaps a sibling – is technologically
impaired and should no longer be allowed to live independently,
to come near a computer or other electronic device without
direct supervision. When the answer is "Yes!," the
time has come to place your loved one into the care of an
Assisted Computing Facility like Silicon Pines.
What exactly is an "Assisted Computing
Facility"?
Also known as "Homes for the Technologically
Infirm," "Technical Invalid Care Centers,"
or "Homes for the Technically Challenged," ACFs
are modeled on assisted-living facilities and provide a safe,
structured residential environment for those unable to handle
even the most mundane everyday multitasks. Most fully accredited
ACFs are an oasis of hope and encouragement that allow residents
to lead productive, technologically-relevant lives without
the fear, anxiety, and possible danger associated with actually
having to understand or execute technology themselves.
Who should be in an ACF?
Sadly, technology is advancing at such a dramatic
rate that many millions of people of all ages will never truly
understand it, putting an undue burden on those friends and
family members who must explain things to them over and over.
But unless the loved one is suffering from a truly debilitating
affliction such as Reinstallzheimers, the decision to commit
is entirely personal. You must ask yourself:
Ø
"How frustrated am I that
my parent/sibling/spouse is unable to open a simple email
attachment?"
Ø
"How much of my time should
be taken up explaining how RAM is different from hard drive
space?"
Ø
"How many times can I
bear to hear my father say, 'Hey, can I replace the motherboard
with a fatherboard? Ha ha ha!'?"
To make things easier, we have posted a list of
"Seven Warning Signs" on our web site. We encourage
you to return there often, or if you can't figure out how
to bookmark it, print out. Also, please take a moment to read
"I'm Glad I'm In Here! (A Resident's Story.)'
Must it be family, or can I place anyone in
an ACF?
Several corporations have sought permission to
have certain employees, or even entire sales departments,
committed to ACFs. At present, however, individuals may only
be committed by direct family or by self-internment. The reason
is simple: there are simply not nearly enough ACFs in the
world to accommodate all the technologically challenged. There
are less than a million available ACF beds, while there are
30 million AOL users.
How much does it cost?
ACF rents range from free up to $12,500 per month.
The disparity is currently a point of contention in the ACF
industry. Many residents are covered through government programs
such as CompuAid or CompuCare, but reimbursement rates are
low and only cover a portion of the fees.
Exacerbating the situation are the HelpDesk Maintenance
Organizations, which often deny coverage, forcing residents
to pay out-of-pocket or turn to expensive private tech-care
insurers like Blue Cache or Blue Screen. Offsetting the costs
are technology companies themselves, many of which subsidize
ACFs. Firms such as Microsoft, Dell, Qualcomm, and America
Online will pay up to 100 percent of a resident's monthly
bill, but with a catch. ISPs, for instance, require residents
to sign service contracts lasting a year or more. Microsoft,
meanwhile, prohibits the installation of any competitive software,
while Priceline requires that residents buy shares of its
stock, which seems onerous but saves residents on lavatory
tissue.
How old must I be to have someone committed?
Until recently, you had to be 18 or older to legally
commit a family member. However, the recent British court
case Frazier vs. Frazier and Frazier has cleared the
way for minors to commit parents. In that case, 15-year-old
Bradley Frazier of Leicester had his 47-year-old parents committed
to an ACF in Bournemouth after a judge ruled Ian and Janet
Frazier were a "danger to themselves and the community."
According to court records, the day after Bradley told his
parents about the "I Love You" virus and warned
them not to open email attachments, his parents received an
"I Love You" email and clicked on the attachment
anyway because, as they explained, "It came from someone
we knew."
What should I look for in an ACF?
First, make sure it's a genuine Assisted Computing
Facility, and not an Assisted Living Facility. To tell the
difference, observe the residents. if they look old and openly
discuss bowel movements, it is probably assisted living. On
the other hand, if they vary in age and say things like, "How
was I supposed to know that? I'm not Bill %$#*&@ Gates!,"
then it is probably assisted computing.
Also, at a well-run ACF, residents should lead
full, independent lives and should be allowed the use of some
technology devices, like telephones, electric toothbrushes,
and alarm clocks. However, only a facility's Licensed Techcare
Professionals should perform such tasks as installing software
or saving email attachments. And LTPs should never
answer a resident's question because studies have shown that
answering their questions only makes things worse. Instead,
LTPs should simply do things for them, relieving them of the
pressure to "learn" or "improve."
Can a resident ever get out?
No.
OK, This sounds promising. How can I learn more?
For your enlightenment, we offer extensive information
on Silicon Pines and the ACF lifestyle on our website.
Just use the link in the nav bar on this page. If you can't
find the pages, perhaps you are a candidate for admission
yourself.
But whatever you decide, remember that demand
is fierce. ACFs have long waiting lists. It will take years
just to absorb all the WebTV & AOL users alone!