|
Problem |
Women |
Men |
No confidence |
He’ll ask me out. |
I’m screwed. |
No money |
He’ll pay. |
I’m screwed. |
No college plans |
He doesn’t care. |
I’m screwed. |
No friends |
He won’t even ask. |
I’m screwed. |
Boring |
He doesn’t care. |
I’m screwed. |
Obscure interests |
He’ll pretend to be interested. |
I’m screwed. |
Quiet |
I just need to look good. |
I’m screwed. |
Low end job with no career prospects |
I just need to look good. |
I’m screwed. |
Rejects a member of the opposite sex |
He just doesn’t meet my needs. |
The guys’ll think I’m gay. |
Expects sex as part of a relationship |
I’m a serious, assertive woman. |
She’ll think I just want to get into her pants. |
Not in the mood for sex |
It’s expected. |
Am I gay? |
Bad in bed |
Just lie back. |
Worthless. She’ll dump me for someone who can satisfy her. |
Raped and needs help |
Tons of support groups; everyone is symphathetic. |
He lying. It’s impossible to rape a man. |
Want to end relationship |
File for divorce, get half of your husband’s assets, plus alimony. Upgrade to a hotter/richer man. |
My life was destroyed by that biased divorce court judge. |
Own guns |
Brave woman who defends herself. |
Crazy nut case. |
Doesn’t want expensive wedding |
Knows how to handle finances and plan for her future. |
I’m screwed. |
Doesn’t play sports or work out |
No problem. |
I’m a loser. |
Your country has a draft |
Men defend me for free; employers prefer to hire me due to no obligations. |
I’m screwed. |
World is biased against my gender |
Millions of feminists worldwide agree and support you. |
You pussy. Grow some balls! |
Physically incapable of work |
Standards will be lowered so things are “fair.” |
You’re a loser. |
Unattractive |
Eventually someone will settle for you. |
Unless you’re rich, you’ll die alone. |
Had sex with someone underage |
Slap on the wrist; everyone thinks “What a lucky boy!” |
Raped in prison. |
Throw tantrums to get your way |
“It’s my time of the month” or “women are just so emotional.” |
Spoiled child. |
Hit spouse during argument |
He’s a man—he can take it. And he probably deserved it. |
Spousal abuse. Go to jail. |
Expect gifts at lesser holidays |
It’s a girl’s special day; men should pamper me. |
Already getting sex. What more do you expect? |
Desire as much pleasure as possible during sex |
Women are encouraged to orgasm as fast and as much as she wants. |
If I orgasm before her, I’m a failure. |
Can’t cook. Don’t do housework. |
I’m a liberated woman. I don’t have to do those things any more. |
Lazy slob. You expect some woman to do that for you? |
Into video games or anime |
Guys still like you. |
Loser nerd with no life. |
Wait until marriage before sex |
Pure and innocent; guys are expected to wait with you. |
Creep! Religious nut! |
Homo- or bisexual |
Guys think you’re really hot. |
Primary target of LGBT violence; males friends avoid you for fear someone will think they’re your sex partner. |
Desire wide variety of clothing |
Infinite choice. |
Wear bland shirt and pants to work or they’ll think you’re gay. |
Enjoy masturbation |
Guys think you’re hot. No social stigma. |
Loser! Get a girlfriend! |
Horny, need a one-night stand |
No problem. |
Spend hours of multiple rejections while strangers tell you all your faults. |
Dump your partner |
You go, girl! He wasn’t good enough for you! |
Playboy! And he probably cheated on her, too! |
Crying, emotional |
Men will comfort you. |
Men and women alike think you’re a pussy. |
Have a sexual fetish |
That is so hot! |
Get away, you weirdo! |
From You've Got Laughs! Al Lowe's Book of Internet Humor
coming soon from www.allowe.com
© 1998 - 2010 by Al Lowe • All Rights Reserved • Updated December 11, 2011