Letter to Management
I hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
- I do physical labor.
- I work at great depths.
- I plunge headfirst into
everything I do.
- I do not get weekends off
or public holidays.
- I work in a damp environment.
- I don't get paid overtime.
- I work in a dark workplace
that has poor ventilation.
- I work in high temperatures.
- My work exposes me to contagious
diseases.
Signed,
The Penis
Dear The:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request for
the following reasons:
- You never work 8 hours straight.
- You fall asleep on the job
after brief work periods.
- You do not always follow
the orders of the management team.
- You do not stay in your
allocated position and often attempt to visit other areas.
- You rarely take the initiative;
you need to be pressured to start working.
- You leave the workplace
rather messy at the end of your shift.
- You don't always observe
necessary safety regulations, such as wearing proper protective
clothing.
- You'll retire well before
reaching 65.
- You're unable to work double
shifts.
- You sometimes leave your
allocated position before the job is done.
- You have been seen entering
and leaving the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking
bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
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