|
Good |
Bad |
Your uncle leaves you a fortune. |
It’s counterfeit. |
Your hair stops falling out. |
You have none left. |
You came home for a quickie. |
So did the postman. |
You get tickets to the theater. |
It’s performance art. |
Your neighbor exercises in the nude. |
She weighs 350 pounds. |
You go to see a strip show. |
Your daughter’s the headliner. |
Your secretary said “yes.” |
Your wife says “no.” |
Your boyfriend’s exercising. |
So he’ll fit in your clothes. |
Your child is “waiting for Mr. Right.” |
But he’s your son. |
Your daughter is on the Pill. |
She’s eleven. |
Your son’s doing extra credit work. |
Making a sex-ed video. |
Your wife bought a porn video. |
Your daughter’s the star. |
Your wife meets you at the door nude. |
She’s coming home. |
You came home for a quickie. |
Your wife walks in. |
Your 7-year-old daughter cooked her first meal, fish filets. |
Your $5,000 tropical aquarium is empty. |
Your hair stopped falling out. |
You have none left. |
You finally got a Viagra prescription. |
Nobody will sleep with you. |
Viagra has greatly improved your sex life. |
You're George Michaels. |
You got finally your Viagra prescription and take some. |
Your partner doesn’t show up. |
There’s a new pill to improve women’s sex life. |
It only makes your partner appear to be good looking. |
Bad |
Worse |
Your wife’s leaving you. |
For another woman. |
You can’t find your vibrator. |
Your daughter borrowed it. |
You’re caught by the boss having sex in the office. |
With his daughter. |
You find a porn movie in your son’s room. |
Your spouse is in it. |
Your children are sexually active. |
With each other. |
Your husband’s a cross-dresser. |
He looks better than you. |
Your son’s involved in Satanism. |
As a sacrifice. |
Your wife wants a divorce. |
She’s a lawyer. |
Your wife’s arrested for soliciting. |
She implicates you. |
You find naked pictures of your daughter. |
On the Internet. |
Your wife screams during sex. |
When you come in the room. |
You catch your wife cheating. |
With your mistress’s husband. |
Your wife’s leaving you. |
To enter a convent. |
Good |
Bad |
Worse |
Your car conveniently “runs out of gas.” |
For real. |
On the railroad tracks. |
You finally have some time to yourself. |
You can’t find your vibrator. |
Your daughter borrowed it. |
The postman’s early. |
He’s in fatigues, with an AK47. |
You didn’t give him a Christmas present. |
Your secretary says “Yes.” |
Your wife says “No.” |
They’re both pregnant. |
The teacher likes your son. |
Sexually. |
The feeling’s mutual. |
You and your husband agree: no more kids. |
You can’t find your birth control pills. |
Your daughter borrowed them. |
You buy a house with a pool. |
Your teenage daughter can’t swim. |
The poolboy teaches her the breaststroke. |
You came home for a quickie. |
The mailman had the same idea. |
There’s a line, waiting. |
Hot elevator sex. |
You’re arrested. |
By your spouse. |
You came home for a quickie. |
Your wife walks in. |
With her boyfriend. |
You finally get a night out. |
You’re seen going into a strip show by a gossip. |
Your daughter’s the headliner. |
You get tickets to the theatre. |
It’s experimental theatre. |
The audience is nude. |
You give the “Birds and Bees” talk to your kids. |
They keep interrupting. |
With corrections! |
Your children are growing up. |
They’re sexually active. |
With each other. |
Your child’s waiting for “Mr. Right” |
Your son, that is. |
He’s received answers to his personals ad. |
Your daughter is very popular with the guys. |
She’s on the Pill. |
She’s eleven. |
Your husband understands fashion. |
He’s a cross dresser. |
He looks better than you. |
Your husband’s exercising and dieting. |
So he’ll fit in your clothes. |
He knows how to coordinate better. |
Your neighbors exercise in the nude. |
They each weigh 375 pounds. |
They catch you looking, and smile. |
Your son is finally getting involved. |
In Satanism. |
As a sacrifice. |
Your son spends a lot of time alone in his room. |
You find him watching porn movies. |
Your daughter is in them. |
Your son studies a lot in his room. |
You find several porn movies hidden there. |
You’re in them. |
Your son’s finally maturing. |
He’s involved with the lady next door. |
So are you. |
Your son’s interested in school. |
He has to do extra credit to pass. |
Making a sex ed video. |
Your uncle leaves you a fortune. |
You blow it all. |
It’s counterfeit. |
Your wife bought you a porn movie. |
It’s over five years old. |
Your daughter’s the star. |
Your wife is helping bring in income. |
She’s arrested for soliciting. |
She implicates you. |
Your wife isn’t talking to you. |
She wants a divorce. |
She’s a lawyer. |
Your wife loves outdoor sex. |
You live downtown. |
Neither of you drive. |
Your wife meets you at the door nude. |
She’s coming home. |
From her weekly Woman’s Club meeting. |
Your wife says you can go hunting all you want |
Because she’s leaving you. |
For another woman. |
Your wife’s kinky. |
With the neighbors. |
All of them. |
You’re going to have more time to yourself. |
Your wife’s leaving you. |
To enter a convent. |
You finally meet that chat room girl of your dreams! |
She is 13 years old. |
‘Her’ name is Jason. |
You won First Prize! |
In the “Pet/Owner Look-Alike Contest.” |
Your pet’s a pot-belly pig. |
Your daughter has a new hobby. |
Body piercing. |
She can’t show them to you! |
Your Lottery numbers finally won — $26 million! |
Your wife has the ticket. |
She left with the pool boy! |
You found the Viagra pill you dropped on the floor. |
Your dog beat you to it. |
He really likes your leg. |
You finally meet the girl of your dreams from the chat room. |
She is 13 years old. |
“Her” name is Jason. |
You won First Prize. |
In the Pet/Owner Look-Alike Contest. |
Your pet’s a pot-belly pig. |
Your daughter has a new hobby. |
It’s body piercing. |
Your cat now wears earrings. |
Your computer stopped making that annoying sound. |
Your hard drive crashed. |
One day out of warranty. |
Your lottery numbers finally won: $26 million! |
Your wife has the ticket. |
She left with the pool guy. And you don't have a pool. |