In London department store

Bargain basement upstairs.

In a London office

After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

In a Zurich hotel

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

From a Japanese information book-let about a hotel air conditioner

Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of war in your room, please control yourself.

In a Leipzig elevator

Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

At a Paris dress shop

Dresses for street walking.

In a Bangkok dry cleaners

Drop your trousers here for best results.

On a Majorcan shop entrance

English well talking.

On a Majorcan shop entrance

Here speeching American.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room

If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.

In a Tokyo Hotel

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bangkok temple

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest

It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Norwegian cocktail lounge

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop

Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

In a Rome laundry

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers

Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.

In a Rhodes tailor shop

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.

In a Tokyo shop

Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are best in the long run.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

In a Budapest zoo

Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.

In a Paris hotel elevator

Please leave your values at the front desk.

On the menu of a Polish hotel

Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.

In a Tokyo bar

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.

In a Swiss mountain inn

Special today -- no ice cream.

In the office of a Roman doctor

Specialist in women and other diseases.

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency

Take one of our horse-driven city tours--we guarantee no miscarriages.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Yugoslavian hotel

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

In an Acapulco hotel

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.

From the Soviet Weekly

There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator

To move the cabin, push botton for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

In a hotel in Athens

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 daily.

In a Copenhagen airline ticket office

WE take your bags and send them in all directions.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand

Would you like to ride on your own ass?

In a Japanese hotel

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.