Sign At A Chicago Radiator Shop |
"Best Place In Town To Take A Leak." |
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At A Plastic Surgeon’s Office |
“We Can Help You Pick Your Nose!” |
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At A Car Dealership |
“The Best Way To Get Back On Your Feet? Miss A Payment!” |
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At A Number Of US Military Bases |
“Restricted To Unauthorized Personnel” |
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At A Proctologist's Door |
"To Expedite Your Visit Please Back In." |
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At A Propane Filling Station |
"Thank Heaven For Little Grills." |
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At A Santa Fe Gas Station |
“We Will Sell Gasoline To Anyone In A Glass Container” |
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At A Tire Shop In Milwaukee |
"Invite Us To Your Next Blowout." |
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At A Towing Company |
"We Don't Charge An Arm And A Leg. We Want Tows." |
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At A Used Car Lot |
“Second Hand Cars In First Crash Condition.” |
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At An Optometrist’s Office |
“If You Don’t See What You’re Looking For, You’ve Come To The Right Place.” |
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At The Electric Company |
"We Would Be Delighted If You Send In Your Payment. However, If You Don't, You Will Be." |
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Bumper Sticker On An Old Farm Truck |
“I May Be Slow - But I’m Ahead Of You” |
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From The Safety Information Seatback Card On United Airlines |
“If you cannot read this card...” |
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In A Beauty Shop |
“Dye Now!” |
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In A Cafeteria |
“Shoes Are Required To Eat In The Cafeteria. Socks Can Eat Wherever They Want” |
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In A Clothing Store |
“Wonderful Bargains For Men With 16 And 17 Necks” |
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In A Counselor’s Office |
“Growing Old Is Mandatory. Growing Wise Is Optional.” |
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In A Dry Cleaner |
“Drop Your Pants Here.” |
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In A Field |
“The Farmer Allows Walkers To Cross The Field For Free, But The Bull Charges.” |
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In A Florida Maternity Ward |
“No Children Allowed” |
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In A Funeral Parlor |
“Ask About Our Layaway Plan” |
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In A Health Food Shop Window |
“Closed Due To Illness” |
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In A Laundromat |
“Automatic Washing Machine. Remove All Your Clothes When Light Goes Out” |
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In A Laundry Room |
“Do Not Put Wet Clothes In Dryers, As This Can Cause “Irreparable Damage. |
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In A Library |
“Blotter Paper Will No Longer Be Available Until The Public Stops Taking It Away.” |
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In A Los Angeles Dance Hall |
“Good Clean Dancing Every Night But Sunday” |
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In A Massachusetts Birdwatchers’ Parking Area |
“Parking For Birds Only” |
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In A New Hampshire Jewelry Store |
“Ears Pierced While You Wait” |
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In A New York Drugstore |
“We Dispense With Accuracy” |
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In A New York Medical Building |
“Mental Health Prevention Center” |
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In A New York Restaurant |
“Customers Who Find Our Waitresses Rude Should See The Manager." |
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In A Nonsmoking Area |
"If We See Smoke, We Will Assume You Are On Fire And Take Appropriate Action." |
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In A Non-Smoking Area |
“If We See You Smoking, We Will Assume You Are On Fire And Take Appropriate Action” |
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In A Pennsylvania Cemetery |
“Persons Are Prohibited From Picking Flowers From Any But Their Own Graves." |
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In A Podiatrist’s Window |
“Time Wounds All Heels.” |
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In A Podiatrist's Office |
"Time Wounds All Heels." |
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In A Restaurant Window |
“Don’t Stand There And Be Hungry, Come In And Get Fed Up” |
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In A Safari Park |
“Elephants Please Stay In Your Car” |
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In A Tacoma, Washington Men’s Clothing Store |
“15 Men’s Wool Suits - $100 - They Won’t Last An Hour!” |
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In A Toilet |
“Toilet Out Of Order. Please Use Floor Below.” |
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In A Veterinarian's Waiting Room |
"Be Back In 5 Minutes. Sit! Stay!" |
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In Downtown Boston |
“Callahan Tunnel / No End” |
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In Front Of A New Hampshire Car Wash |
“If You Can’t Read This, It’s Time You Wash Your Car.” |
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In Front Of A New Hampshire Restaurant |
“Now Serving Live Lobsters” |
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In The Front Yard Of A Funeral Home |
“Drive Carefully, We’ll Wait.” |
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In The Offices Of A Loan Company |
“Ask About Our Plans For Owning Your Home.” |
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In The Vestry Of A New England Church |
“Will The Last Person To Leave Please See That The Perpetual Light Is Extinguished" |
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In The Window Of A Kentucky Appliance Store |
“Don’t Kill Your Wife. Let Our Washing Machine Do The Dirty Work." |
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In The Window Of An Oregon General Store |
“Why Go Elsewhere To Be Cheated, When You Can Come Here?” |
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Inside A Bowling Alley |
“Please Be Quiet. We Need To Hear A Pin Drop.” |
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On A Butcher’s Window |
“Let Me Meat Your Needs.” |
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On A Butcher’s Window |
“Pleased To Meat You.” |
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On A Church Door |
“This Is The Gate To Heaven. Enter Ye All By This Door. (This Door Locked Because Of Draft. Use Side Entrance.)” |
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On A Delicatessen Wall |
“Our Best Is None Too Good” |
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On A Desk In A Reception Room |
“We Shoot Every 3rd Salesman, And The 2nd One Just Left.” |
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On A Display Of “You Are My One And Only” Valentine Cards |
“Now Available In Multi-Packs” |
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On A Fence |
"Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive." |
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On A Front Door |
“Everyone On The Premises Is A Vegetarian Except The Dog.” |
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On A Front Yard In York, Maine |
“Inexpensive, Quality Daycare - Openings Day And Night” |
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On A Leaflet |
“If You Cannot Read, This Leaflet Will Tell You How To Get Lessons.” |
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On A Long-Established New Mexico Dry Cleaner |
“Thirty-Eight Years On The Same Spot” |
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On A Maine Shop |
“Our Motto Is To Give Our Customers The Lowest Possible “Prices And Workmanship. |
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On A Maternity Room Door |
“Push, Push, Push.” |
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On A Music Library’s Door |
“Bach In A Minuet.” |
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On A Music Teacher’s Door |
“Out Chopin.” |
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On A New York Convalescent Home |
“For The Sick And Tired Of The Episcopal Church” |
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On A Pizza Shop |
“7 Days Without Pizza Makes One Weak.” |
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On A Plastic Surgeon's Office Door |
"Hello. Can We Pick Your Nose?" |
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On A Plumber's Truck |
"We Repair What Your Husband Fixed." |
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On A Plumber's Truck |
"Don't Sleep With A Drip. Call Your Plumber.." |
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On A Repair Shop Door |
“We Repair Anything!” |
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On A Repair Shop |
“Knock Hard—Bell Broken” |
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On A Restaurant |
“Open Seven Days A Week And Weekends” |
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On A Restroom Dryer In Chicago’s O’Hare Field |
“Do Not Activate With Wet Hands” |
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On A Roller Coaster |
“Watch Your Head” |
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On A San Francisco Drug Store Located Across The Street From The Transbay Bus Terminal |
“Terminal Drugs” |
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On A Scientist’s Door |
“Gone Fission” |
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On A Septic Tank Truck In Oregon |
Yesterday's Meals On Wheels |
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On A Septic Tank Truck Sign |
"We're #1 In The #2 Business." |
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On A Shopping Mall Marquee |
“Archery Tournament—Ears Pierced” |
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On A Taxidermist’s Window |
“We Really Know Our Stuff.” |
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On A Tennessee Highway |
“Take Notice: When This Sign Is Under Water, This Road Is Impassable." |
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On An Asian Seafood Store In Madison, Wi |
“Crap, $1.79/Lb” |
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On An Electrician’s Truck |
“Let Us Remove Your Shorts.” |
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On An Oregon Telephone Pole Poster |
“Are You An Adult That Cannot Read? If So, We Can Help.” |
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On The Door Of A Computer Store |
“Out For A Quick Byte.” |
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On The Grounds Of A Private School |
“No Trespassing Without Permission” |
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On The Menu Of A Restaurant |
“Blackened Bluefish” |
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On The Side Of A Garbage Truck |
“We’ve Got What It Takes To Take What You’ve Got” |
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On The Walls Of A Baltimore Estate |
“Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted To The Full Extent Of The Law—Sisters Of Mercy" |
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Outside A Country Shop |
“We Buy Junk And Sell Antiques” |
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Outside A Hotel |
“Help! We Need Inn-Experienced People.” |
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Outside A Muffler Shop |
"No Appointment Necessary. We Heard You Coming." |
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Outside A Radiator Repair Shop |
“Best Place In Town To Take A Leak” |
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Outside A Second-Hand Shop |
“We Exchange Anything Bicycles, Washing Machines, Etc. Bring Your Wife Along And Get A Wonderful Bargain.” |
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Over A Gynecologist’s Office |
“Dr. Jones, At Your Cervix.” |
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