The Report on Sexual Behavior

Women who always have an orgasm while having sex................................................................ 15%
Men who always have an orgasm while having sex.................................................................... 65%
Women who wish their partners could last long enough so they could have just one orgasm............. 95%
Men who always have an orgasm while having sex with a partner.................................................. 5%
Men who lie about sex....................................................................................................... 100%
Religious people who think pain and pleasure go together in sex.................................................. 15%
Nonreligious people who think pain and pleasure go together in sex.............................................. 10%
Religious people who think sex should be a part of religious practice............................................. 58%
Non-religious people who would get religion if sex were a part of religious practice.......................... 89%
Priests who wish to engage in sex......................................................................................... 26%
Priests who currently engage in sex....................................................................................... 26%
Men, age 18 to 26, who have sex several times a week............................................................. 38%
Men, age 65 and over, who have sex several times a week........................................................ 39%
Men of all ages who wished they got it even once a week......................................................... 89%
Ultraliberals who think simultaneous orgasm is a must for gratifying sex........................................ 15%
Ultraconservatives who think simultaneous orgasm is a must for gratifying sex............................... 29%
Guys who really cared about simultaneous orgasm...................................................................... 2%
Guys who think a partner is a must for gratifying sex.................................................................. 9%
Midwesterners who have had sex with more than 100 partners..................................................... 1%
Californians who have had sex with more than 100 partners....................................................... 15%
Californians who can’t distinguish reality................................................................................. 15%
Men who have had an orgasm while looking at “girlie” magazines................................................. 99%
Women who have had an orgasm while looking at “boyie” magazines............................................ 27%
Men who practice safe sex................................................................................................... 46%
Women who practice safe sex.............................................................................................. 73%
Blondes who think safe sex means locking the door................................................................... 98%
Men who think safe sex is not having her husband find out......................................................... 23%
Men whose first sexual partner was a female............................................................................. 9%
Women whose first sexual partner was a male........................................................................... 9%
Men who can count their sexual partners on one hand.............................................................. 46%
Men whose hand IS their sexual partner................................................................................. 54%
Men who have hot sexual partners.......................................................................................... 8%
Men whose think their sexual partner is full of hot air................................................................ 82%
Men whose sexual partner must be filled with hot air.................................................................. 7%
Children who really loved their pets........................................................................................ 91%
Rednecks between 12 and 20 who have had sex...................................................................... 96%
Rednecks between 12 and 20 who have had sex with other than relatives and farm animals............ 0.003

From You've Got Laughs! The Big Book of Internet Humor by Al Lowe,
coming soon from www.allowe.com